Tag: words

Wise Mind

I need to choose who I spend my time with wisely.

Time spent thinking,

Reliving,

Talking—

 

I need to not waste time on the negative memories,

Thoughts,

Words,

People,

Past hurts,

Because I deserve

To enjoy the time I have on this earth,

 

I will continue the search for

My wise mind,

And I will find a new way to see

The realities and inconsistencies

I am faced with every day.

 

I will face myself and my thoughts,

And deal with the words spoken over me,

I won’t allow myself to be on constant repeat–

Closing my eyes and my mouth–

 

I need to say

What I mean when I mean to say it,

And accept the consequences as a part of existence—

 

I will find wisdom in the moments

Between now and tomorrow,

And learn to let the heavy weight drop

And let it go–

 

Let it fall down like the rain,

Let is wash over me

And leave me with peace,

Let it remind me that everything can change,

Let it fall to my feet.

People Need a Melody

I feel weight on my body,

But my mind is awake and waiting.

 

I feel hope.

Small, but it grows and makes each step lighter—

Like I’m lighting a fire

And searching for the spark that’s starts a flame—

 

I will wait.

 

I don’t want to sink into this feeling I have —

I want to bring the present to my past.

 

I’ve lived in the past long enough that it’s touched

The parts of me living in the now—

Not then, not at the end, but give me a beginning I can touch.

 

I want to feel loved.

I’m Back

What happened to me?

 

When did I decide to give up my soul for a copy?

Copying words and phrases that match the people standing next to me—

And when did I stop myself from being?

 

I can’t think of a moment when I put my wants above someone else—

So I’m reminded that I’ve forgotten how to see myself.

And everything around me seems so grey

That I don’t even know if my likes are mine,

Or just another way

I’ve conformed to find commonality with others.

 

Now I’ve become the stranger. 

 

I look at my image and see pieces thrown together from

other places, other faces,

almost looking natural, 

But something doesn’t add up.

I don’t add up. Not in this way.

 

Because I’m constantly giving and taking away from who I am—

Giving into demands,

Giving up on my plans,

Taking on image after image hoping that they will fit me,

But this is not living.

 

I need to be comfortable in my own skin, so I am choosing myself this time.

I choose to listen to folky tunes blaring from my stereos, no headphones 

 

I choose the place with country food, like cornbread and tomatoes from home.

 

I choose to continue to write down my experiences and speak with honesty,

Connecting my wants and dreams with no apologies.

 

I choose to love the person I can be when no one else  is watching,

 

And I choose to break down each piece I took on in hopes that someone would accept me.

 

I choose to be.

 

I’m scared of the thought of someone seeing me, but it scares me more to lose myself completely, 

So I will stop and listen to the voice inside of me—

 

I choose me.

Messy

I am a mess.

 

My mind stops working and my words start falling

Out of my mouth like the clumsy ramblings

Of a middle school girl who doesn’t know

How to talk to boys yet.

 

I feel the corners of my mouth move involuntarily

When I look at you and see you smile.

Fire brushes my fingers when I touch your hair

Or hold your hand

And feel warmth creep up my body,

But I know I am holding onto borrowed time.

 

I am used to being the one leaving–

Jumping from state to state like a nomad

With no sense of place,

But my movement hits pause while yours hits play in a new city,

And I am met with this restless uncertainty

That settles over me as days grow shorter, nights longer,

And sleep fades away.

 

I don’t want you to fade, so I’ll keep my eyes open

And concentrate on the soft lines of your face

And the crooked way your mouth grins

As if you’re up to something.

 

I’ll trace my fingers over the parts of you

That give me warmth, comfort,

And a space to fit my body in some part of the living.

 

I’m going to miss walking with you while the city falls silent

Beneath old stone buildings and bell towers.

 

I’ll miss the ramen noodles with karaoke

And late night movies that went on for hours.

 

I’ll miss this span of time between the spaces of your fingers,

but I like this piece I get to have for now.

 

And when now turns into then,

I’ll remember the moments

When I listened to your voice in a city asleep.

 

Alone

I am alone

In the streets of a foreign city

In the night when the people empty

Out of this place

I am not home

In these pieces of broken places

In my mind where I feel wasted

and lose my days

I find a bottle and let it fill me with

dread and fear

while blackened vision kills the feeling

so I can lie here

On the ground next to glass and trash

And abandoned lifeless things

I see myself in reflections of

abandoned buildings

So I die to myself

Every time I close my eyes

I try to accept

the parts of me that lie

But I won’t let go

Of the dark beneath my eyes

And I can’t say no

To the voices in my mind

I am alone