When I am around you,

I feel lost.

Maybe it’s because of the thoughts I have

That drown out what is real,

And what is not–

Maybe it’s my mouth replacing the air with water,

Heavy in my lungs–


I’m afraid of what will come up

Once I try to connect the words in my mind

To the sounds in my throat.

I feel closed.


I want to protect my heart from the heavy weight I hold

When I see you,

But I’ve realized I can’t see you.

How can I see you when I can’t see myself,

Or when I look around and find no familiarity in my surroundings?

Grey is now permeating everything I see—

So first, it starts with me.


I choose to remove the weight

And look forward to my day.

I focus on being present

When the past is pressing in on all sides,

Forcing me to hide.


I focus on having patience

When I feel wasted by

The people surrounding me on a daily basis.


I focus on communication,

And protecting my mind and my heart

from the forces around me asking me to change who I am

For them,

Because I am worth it.


I will say it over and over again,

That I am who I am,

Fallen and imperfect.

I love the cracks in my hands and freckles on my skin,

And the excitement I get from a small moment.


I ask nothing to forgive,

I only ask for a conversation,

Not a misinterpretation.


I ask for someone to see me past expectation.

See me as a living and breathing human who is prone to making mistakes.

See me as you would see yourself at the end of the day—

As a person.


Talking sounds more like listening

To bursts of thunder crackling in the distance

Filling the room with static

Until the build up in our space becomes charged with rage–

Until everything has changed–

Until our bodies become nothing but pieces of wreckage:

A chaotic explosion for the barren wasteland

Where our minds are left behind to deal with the aftermath

made by our hands.


I don’t care about the mosquitoes.

It only keeps me on my toes,

And reminds my skin to be tough

So I can live in the differences.

I don’t care about the lack of electricity.

It only keeps me close to you

And it reminds my eyes to search harder

Through the dark so I can move.

I don’t care about the heat.

It only helps me bare myself more

And it reminds my hands to stay open

So I can be true to who I am.

I don’t care about the differences.

It only shows me more ways to love you

So I can find room to understand.

I don’t care about the dark,

As long as you hold my hand.