When I am around you,
I feel lost.
Maybe it’s because of the thoughts I have
That drown out what is real,
And what is not–
Maybe it’s my mouth replacing the air with water,
Heavy in my lungs–
I’m afraid of what will come up
Once I try to connect the words in my mind
To the sounds in my throat.
I feel closed.
I want to protect my heart from the heavy weight I hold
When I see you,
But I’ve realized I can’t see you.
How can I see you when I can’t see myself,
Or when I look around and find no familiarity in my surroundings?
Grey is now permeating everything I see—
So first, it starts with me.
I choose to remove the weight
And look forward to my day.
I focus on being present
When the past is pressing in on all sides,
Forcing me to hide.
I focus on having patience
When I feel wasted by
The people surrounding me on a daily basis.
I focus on communication,
And protecting my mind and my heart
from the forces around me asking me to change who I am
Because I am worth it.
I will say it over and over again,
That I am who I am,
Fallen and imperfect.
I love the cracks in my hands and freckles on my skin,
And the excitement I get from a small moment.
I ask nothing to forgive,
I only ask for a conversation,
Not a misinterpretation.
I ask for someone to see me past expectation.
See me as a living and breathing human who is prone to making mistakes.
See me as you would see yourself at the end of the day—
As a person.