I need time to breathe
Or to time my breaths
But the counting creates a mood of apathy
Like I can’t stay awake like this—
And I’ve missed the reason
For methodically breathing
In and out.
It’s broken down for peace,
Not destructive thoughts
That beat up my heart,
But slow beats so I can stop and think,
And count to slow down every word racing
In my mind.
I want to stop hiding behind a glass wall.
I don’t want to wait for it to fall
Just so I can tip toe around the glass pieces
Holding distorted reflections of what I used to be.
Or how people see me.
I don’t care what they think.
I care about finding the light behind the door I closed 4 years ago.
I care about holding time close as I think about the future I don’t know.
I know what I need.
I need to stop thinking, keep counting, and move into the place that is meant for me.
I want to be free.